We Still Have So Far To Go

I wanted to do a light-hearted post on something random today, but I can’t seem to get past my feelings on a couple of articles that I read recently. It pisses me right off when I read about alleged victim’s being re-victimized or when someone, who has been accused of victimizing other people, has the option to just brush it aside as though it meant nothing. There are reasons that these accusations were made and, until it has been sorted out in court, nothing is solidified – except my own personal thoughts and feelings about the situations.

I don’t usually write about controversial things such as politics, religion, or law because I know there are two sides to every story. Yet, among my studies, one thing has held true – victims have a voice and that voice should be heard. If you’re looking for a plethora of facts in my writing, you won’t find any. All I’m giving you here is my opinion on the things that I’ve read. And until this all plays out, none of us will really know the story, but I’ve read enough and studied enough to understand the difference between right and wrong.

There’s still so much wrong in the world and I find myself recoiling in disgust. Here are the two articles I’ve stumbled across lately that make me so angry that I felt the need to write about it.

Can Jian Ghomeshi salvage his reputation? (Toronto Star, Nov 19, 2014.)

“The odds are very, very long,” he [Bill Walker, president of Midtown PR in Toronto] says. “There is a remote chance that if he does the work and comes back and talks openly and transparently about what he’s been through, how he views the things he’s done in the past, and how he views his life going forward, there probably is a remote chance for him to be rehabilitated. And forgiven.”

My question is this…
If he is found guilty of his crimes, why should Ghomeshi be given the chance to salvage his reputation? He has been accused of hurting others and, if found guilty, my respect will be gone. Maybe I’m sounding a little harsh, but I don’t think that someone, if found guilty of such terribly invasive crimes, should be allowed back in the spotlight. I refuse to give praise to someone who has been found guilty of hurting others. And they should not be allowed back into their lives as though nothing has happened when they have clearly changed other people’s lives forever because of what they’ve done.

Is that the kind of role model we want for our children? Not me. I don’t want my son to look up to anyone who has hurt others in a heinous way. Ever. I’m trying to raise a respectful part of my future community and having role models who hurt others in any way, shape, or form is not part of my parenting plan.

Don Lemon tells Bill Cosby rape accuser she should have bitten comedian’s genitals. (Washington Post, Nov 19, 2014.)

“LEMON: You — you know, there are ways not to perform oral sex if you didn’t want to do it.”

I have a real problem with people who attempt to re-victimize victims after the victim has enough courage to say aloud what has happened to them. It is my opinion that if someone comes out and accuse someone of doing them harm, I believe them. Most adults know what implications can do to someone else’s reputation and I don’t believe they would hurt others unnecessarily for the most part.

And what the hell gives anyone else the right to question the accusers action at the time of the alleged crime? These people have been victimized enough, they don’t need any further victimization from people who weren’t even there.

I’m sickened by the disgusting thoughts/actions/words in these articles. It upsets/angers me for so many reasons, but the first reason is that I’m disappointed. I’m disappointed that these brave women, who have found the courage to stand up for themselves, have to battle for someone to believe them. It angers me that they have to fight for equality, freedom, and respect. Why should respect have to be earned in cases like this? And what’s it going to take for people to stop sympathizing with the accused and, instead, focus their efforts and support on the alleged victim?

Another reason why I’m disgusted is because I have respected some of these people in the past and they have let me down for many reasons. Mostly because I try very hard every moment of every day to raise a son who will become a decent, law-abiding, respectful part of the community and it’s hard for me to find a good role model for my son. What does it say about me as a parent when I have respected and admired some of these people in the past? It seems we can’t put our faith in anyone anymore because they will just disappoint us in the end.

Luckily, my husband is an amazing dad, a great husband, and a respectful citizen. If it weren’t for my wonderful husband and the numerous other great men and women in my son’s life, whom he’s met through school, family, and hockey, my faith in humanity would have diminished years ago.

Right now, I stand behind the victims and I think they deserve to have their voices heard. It takes someone so strong and courageous to even talk about things like this and I respect them so much for their stoicism. They’ve been through hell and back – the least we can do is let them speak!

‘Tis The Season…For A Little Bit Of Craziness

It’s been quite a ride this month. The end of power skating brought the beginning of hockey evaluations which landed my son on his first novice team this year. He’s so excited to be on his new team and he genuinely adores the coaching staff and his teammates. I know my hope of having a son who plays hockey forever is unrealistic, but sometimes a mom likes to live her own dreams through her kids. Don’t worry, I know it won’t last forever, but I just like to entertain the thought every once in a while.

I’ve cut back a lot at work this year. My hockey writing has been cut down to a quarter of what it was last season and I don’t regret my decision. I haven’t taken my Mac to the rink once this year and I don’t plan to – unlike last year when it seemed to be a weekly occurrence. This year, I’m free to enjoy watching my son’s heart laid out on the ice each week and smiling while Hubster guides the kids in the right direction. I have no greater joy this season than to be a smiling hockey mom/coaches wife in the crowd. There is so much pride and happiness inside my heart every time the boys hit the ice. I’m enjoying it while I can.

As well, my podcasts keep me busy, especially when I have a special little guest that is willing to make a regular appearance. Thanks JT!

Writing still keeps me occupied as I’m diligently working to finish my newest novel, My World. Those writer-blocks can be a bit pesky at times, but eventually I’ll get past all of them and move on to bigger and better scenes that need my attention. I have a tendency to write myself into a corner sometimes and it’s tough to find the path out. That’s where I’m at right now and I’m hoping it goes away soon.

We have another early hockey morning tomorrow so I’m planning to go to bed early tonight (not that I’ll fall asleep early, but I plan to have my butt in bed by midnight – yes, midnight is early for me!). 5am comes early to a non-morning person. I really hope Hubster has the coffee ready when I get up.

I’m back to my regular workout schedule, which is good because I have more energy throughout the day. And meditation has been helping me to focus. If meditation, yoga, and workouts can help me through my pregnancy, I’m sure it will help me through writer’s block.

Thank you to everyone who has been listening to my podcasts and reading my hockey articles. Your comments are always welcome and I love the feedback! So much gratitude!

I’ll update again soon!

TK